msbee: (Izzard: pagans are nighttime telly)
Ms B ([personal profile] msbee) wrote2008-10-30 08:06 pm

Marriage and its forms.

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

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I'm not in California. I'm not even in the US. Prop 8 isn't going to affect me directly.

I'm in the UK, where gay marriage isn't legally recognised, but we've made a step with civil partnerships (and the dissolution of those, thanks, Matt Lucas). I also take issue with the phrase "heterosexual marriage". I'm in a bi-gender marriage, I suppose, since I identify as and am biologically a woman, and my husband a man, but I don't identify as heterosexual. Does that make ours a heterosexual marriage? Who knows?

But here I am, opinionating, which I don't do often enough. Dammit, my journal, my opinions, and you lot are getting more than the whinges about work and my husband.

Here's the thing. Marriage is a legal contract. Put whatever spin on it you want, whatever bullshit, marriage is a legal contract. It can be conducted in a church and blessed, or in a mosque, in a beautiful country house, in a uniformly chain hotel, in a registry office. It's marriage. It's not about religion. It's about making a legal commitment to another person, for life.

Yes, I know, the "for life" is increasingly rare, but if anyone gets married thinking "it's okay, I can always get divorced", then they're being damn stupid.

Do I think that legal marriage between a man and a woman would be threatened if we legalised the same marriage between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or whatever gender identity the individuals involved hold? No, I don't. I don't think that legal marriage between two people would be threatened if we legalised marriage between three people, or four.

Marriage, for me, is that legal contract, that commitment. Standing up in front of witnesses and putting it down on paper that this person, these people, whoever, are the one/s that you love with your whole heart and want to spend your life with. And you'd quite like them to spend it with you, thanks.

That's got not one thing to do with the gender of the individuals involved. It's to do with love, and a legal contract.

"Heterosexual" marriages fail. Civil partnerships fail. Relationships not legally bound by marriage fail. All of these also succeed - but we've got less statistics on the failure or success of same-sex relationships simply because they're not bound in law in the same way that marriage is.

Is my marriage threatened because my neighbours are getting a divorce? No.

Why would it be threatened because two people in love want to be able to make that legal commitment?

I never wanted to get married. Never dreamed of the big wedding, or finding one person to commit my life to. I still don't feel that my marriage has changed our relationship. But I'm damned if I'm going to stand up and say that I believe that anyone of legal age possessed of sanity should be prevented from making that commitment if they want to, and having it legally recognised.

[identity profile] jarmara.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 11:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Nice one - **blows kisses**

[identity profile] esoteric-vae.livejournal.com 2008-11-02 09:54 am (UTC)(link)
I think I'm in a mood to be opinionated. Working but not having work to do exercises my brain :-)

[identity profile] nevilley.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 09:20 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks B, you have put into words many of the feelings I also hold but have been unable to express so succinctly.

[identity profile] esoteric-vae.livejournal.com 2008-11-02 09:56 am (UTC)(link)
It's something I feel very strongly about, and sometimes, it just escapes.